Three Seasons Community
Church– 6-17-07
The 5 Stages of Manhood
- 1. Boyhood to Cowboy
- 2. Cowboy to Warrior
- 3. Warrior to Lover
- 4. Lover to King
- 5. King to Sage
One cannot pin an exact age to each stage. They
overlap, and there are aspects of each stage in every other.
Great damage is done if we ask a boy to become
a King too soon, as is the case when a father abandons his family
walking out the door with the parting words, "You’re the man of the
house now." A cruel thing to do, and even more cruel to say, for the boy
has not yet become a man, not yet learned the lessons of boyhood and
then young manhood. He has not yet been a Warrior, or a Lover, and he is
in no way ready to become King. When we ask this of him, it is a wound
equal to a curse, for in a moment his robbed of his boyhood, and asked
to leap over stages of masculine maturity no man can leap over.
No, there is a path that must be taken. There
is a Way. Not a formula. A Way. Each stage has it’s lessons to be
learned, and each stage can be wounded, cut short, leaving the growing
man with an undeveloped soul.
Then we wonder why he folds suddenly when he is
45, like a tree we find toppled in the yard after a night of strong
winds. We go over to have a look and find that it’s roots hadn’t sunk
down deep into the earth, or perhaps that it was rotten on the inside,
weakened by disease or drought. Such are the insides of Unfinished Men.
The 5 Stages of Manhood
Boyhood is a time of wonder and exploration.
Above all else, it is a time of being the Beloved Son, the apple of your
father’s eye. A time of affirmation.
Core Need: to know that he is prized, delighted
in, that he is the Beloved Son. Our need for a father’s love.
Matthew 3:17 (NKJV) And suddenly a voice came
from heaven, saying, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well
pleased."
The Cowboy stage comes next, around adolescence
[thirteen seems to be the year of transition] and runs into the late
teens and early twenties. It is the time of learning the lessons of the
field, a time of great adventures and testing, and also a time for hard
work. A time of daring and danger, a time of learning that he does,
indeed, have what it takes.
1 Samuel 17:34-35 (NLT) But David persisted. "I
have been taking care of my father's sheep," he said. "When a lion or a
bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, [35] I go after it with a
club and take the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I
catch it by the jaw and club it to death.
Core need or question– Do I have what it takes?
Sometime in his late teens there emerges the
young warrior, and this phase lasts well into his thirties. Again, the
stages overlap, and there is some aspect of them in every phase of a
man’s life. Whether six or sixty, a man will always be a Warrior, for he
bears the image of a warrior God [Exodus 15:3].
The warrior gets a cause or discovers his
purpose. The young warrior learns the rigors of discipline–especially
that inner discipline and resolution of spirit you see in Jesus, who
"set his face like flint" [Isaiah 50:7] and could not be deterred from
his mission.
That he gets a mission is crucial, and that he
learns to battle the kingdom of darkness is even more crucial. Passivity
and masculinity are mutually exclusive, fundamentally at odds with one
another. To be a man he must learn to live with courage, take action, go
into battle.
Core need: To discover his purpose or passion
It is best to have lived as a warrior for some
time before becoming a lover. Too many young men have no mission in
their lives and never answer the question "Do I have what it takes?"
They end up taking all this misdirection, insecurity and aimlessness
into a relationship expecting a woman to give him validation, purpose
and a reason for living [a desperately fruitless search, as many men now
understand].
A Lover comes to offer his strength to a woman,
not to get it from her.
But the time of the Lover is not foremost about
the woman. It is the time when a young man discovers the Way of the
Heart. Intimacy with God not Service for God becomes his consuming
passion!
2 Samuel 6:5 (NLT) David and all the people of
Israel were celebrating before the Lord with all their might, singing
songs and playing all kinds of musical instruments-lyres, harps,
tambourines, castanets, and cymbals.
[2 Samuel 6:14; 2 Samuel 6:21]
Core Need– Intimacy with God
The crisis of leadership in our churches,
businesses and governments is largely due to this one dilemma: men have
been given power, but they are unprepared to handle it. The time of
ruling is a tremendous test of character, for the king will be solely
tested to use his influence in humility, for the benefit of others.
What we call the midlife crisis is often man
coming into a little money and influence, and using it to go back and
recover what he missed as a Beloved Son [he buys himself toys] or the
Cowboy [he goes off on adventures]. He is undeveloped man with a mans
body and a boys heart! [Mark 6:1-7]
Core Need: Godly foundation, focus and
direction
Finally, we have the Sage, the gray-haired
father with a wealth of knowledge and experience, whose mission now is
to counsel others. But his influence ought to increase!
At a time in life when most men feel their time
has passed, this could be the period of their greatest contribution!
Core Need: Significance, Feeling they are
making a contribution, Apprentices.
Matthew 18:3 (MsgB) and said, "I'm telling you,
once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over
like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let
alone get in.
Manhood 101
Are you an unfinished man? Has someone
or something interrupted your journey on the path to manhood?
Do you understand the 5 Stages of
Manhood?
Where are you?
What stage should you be in?
Ask God and a trusted friend to help you move
from where you are to where you need to be!
